You know you’re next level when:

  • You have a nickname for your pet and it has evolved from something logical into complete nonsense. My friend’s cat, Mira was nicknamed Tequila Mockingbird. (Godspeed, Mira.)
  • You’ve invented special songs for your pet, some to the tune of something familiar, some completely out of thin air. What songs do you sing to your pet?
  • You apologize to your pet when you step on her foot or sit on her tail.  It happens. Say you’re sorry so we can all move on.
  • You kiss your pet goodbye and tell her when you’ll be home.  I like to add in a reminder to be a good dog and a request to straighten up the house, but the former receives an eye roll and the latter has yet to happen. I guess the adage is true – you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.
  • You have special baby voices you use to speak to your pets. So much so, that you don’t dare use them around other humans because they’ll probably never look at you the same way again.
  • Your pet has a social media following. In related news: Baby Lenny Lew.
  • Complete strangers know who you are are based on your house’s location and your pets.  I’ve now been referred to twice in the last two months to mutual friends as “the girl who lives on the corner with the crazy boxers”. Yep. That would be me.
  • Your dog has a middle name and you’re not afraid to use it when she’s in trouble. “Leila Ma-RIE!”
  • You say, “God bless you.” when your pet sneezes. Funny how they don’t ever say it back.
  • You seriously consider a phone with more storage capabilities when it’s time to upgrade. I mean, how else can you get all the photos and videos you need?

Did I forget any?